i'll lay me down

3:41 PM

Watch stars go out tonight.
On sinking ground.

i miss the sense of belonging -
from HFC to tianying to handbells.

everything.

maybe it's just post-holiday syndrome, i'll lie to myself, again, for the idk-how-many-th time.

been feeling very lethargic lately;
i should feel recharged, i know.

the problem is that everything i know seems so wrong right now.
everything that is right is falling apart; &being the control freak that i am it feels so... helpless.

i can't even be bothered to find a better word to describe this. it's mere helplessness that is bringing me down.

for the first time in my life i feel utterly resigned.
yeah it is this bad - this i won't lie to myself.

i just have to vent; i need an outlet for this sense of nostalgia, failure, dormancy, incapability... crashed.
down.
gone.
gosh it is not even just a feeling, if i could make a sense out of these senselessness.
it is for real,
!.

where I belong with all erased?