lil' things

9:44 PM

did you ever have the feeling of wanting to let go of something desperately and you announced to whoever that you will do it; but seems to fail in doing so? when i have made a promise to myself, i will keep it. but the promises contradict themselves, and i get very confused of what are the dos and donts. nothing is permenant; but no one says that it is easy to forget either. in fact, the harder you try the less you will succeed. and for a pathetic self like me i will go insane forgetting; oh well, on the other hand -- i aint so sane in the first place.

this is when i really appreciate the simplicity of life. but that just doesnt happen, at least not to me. i yearn for certainty because i feel insecure about almost everything. yet the harder i attempt to seek the meaning, the darker my view becomes. sometimes i think i know the outcome; but i choose to lie to myself. i just dont want to give up on something which i have so much faith in; i dont like to lose hope, i dont ever want that to happen.

and yet; how i hate to wait.
i think i was a fishmonger in my previous life.